December 2010
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2010: I fell in love with someone I could never be with, had many a trip to Glasgow, visited Edinburgh for the first time, went to a music festival, got my heart broken, learnt how to spend money on myself rather than saving for absolutely nothing.
2011 plans: have a holiday, continue to buy things when I like them, get my teeth sorted out (I’ve put the dentist off for years….) and hopefully...
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I’m glad I got my PS3, it might have meant that in total I spent £600 all on me, but it’s been a huge distraction.
I still miss you though, I really wish it’d get easier. sigh.
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“Drugs are better than love. If there was a drug that had a comedown like love, you’d never take it.”Here, psst ,take this. You’ll feel fantastic for a while, then after the high has gone you’ll feel like someone has plunged a broken shard of window pane repeatedly through your chest while reciting all your failings in a flat monotone. You’ll feel like that...
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Christmas has been pretty good. I got plenty of new Hello Kitty stuff, in fact my new bedwarmer is about to get heated up then she’ll be cuddled all night :) it was nice to see Talisha playing with all her toys, though I think she was a little overwhelmed by it all because she got so much!
All in all though, it was an alright day. Still feels like somethings missing, because it is, but...
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Not excited about Christmas, have a banging headache, and making myself worse by worrying I’ve got everyone rubbish presents this year because I’m not feeling festive at all.
fuck sake. must cheer up. new years resolution I guess haha.
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I really wanna rewind back to this time last year. Much happier times :)
So much stuff I miss, too much that reminds me of him. I’m glad we’ve stayed friends, just not the same I guess. Gotta be strong. :(
Also needa try get excited about Christmas. Maybe it’ll just come on Saturday :)
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Hate just when I’m ok I realise I’m really not. Still getting uber jealous and I’m just all round fed up. Just wanna cry. :( nothing ever seems to go right eh. Couldn’t be unhappier just now.
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I really must sort myself out before Christmas. I don’t wanna cry on Christmas Day.
So very miserable. :( menolikey.
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I wish I could just pretend and get on with everything like you seem to be able to do. Half the time its as if you don’t even care.
An early night and lots of crying today. And I thought I was doing ok.
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I do not intend on waking up with massively swollen eyes tomorrow morning. Ah this is so scary. After almost 13 months it really is changing, and there’s nothing I can do about it this time. I just need to accept it wasn’t meant to be, no matter what I may think, though I probably delude myself into thinking everything is perfect when it’s not.
sigh sigh. This afternoon seems to...
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I’ve woken up with the moat horrendous swollen eyes due to crying so much yesterday. I look awful and make up seriously didn’t do much haha. I’d like to think nobody will notice but it won’t happen I’m sure.
Everything will be ok though. Just gotta think positive.
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Confidence is at an all time low. I feel pretty shitty, and I can’t believe how stupid and gullible I can be sometimes.
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Coming home is always rubbish.
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I’m in Glasgow! Can’t wait til Jas finishes work :) the car park here is a sheet of ice, I’m paranoid I’m gunna fall over… of course I’m so intelligent I still parked at the other end… ha.
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I wish somebody would decide for me as to whether I should go to Glasgow or not :( I really, really want to, but there’s a part of me that says I’m absolutely mental for doing it if I do…
argh.
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My heart is saying “take the risk!!”, my head is saying “It’s too icy” …
Totally don’t know what to do. (Other than sit & cry, which is exactly what I’m doing now)
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I’m in a rubbish mood. I hate that my weekend is ruined before it’s even begun :( I’m actually really considering just moping this weekend now. :(
I want a hug & I can’t even get that because he’s too far away. Boo to distance.
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Defrosting your car twice in one day is no fun! I don’t think I’ll be in Glasgow this weekend either. Weekend of me being selfish and feeling sorry for myself it is!
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Sleep before a 4 day week hopefully ending in a trip to Glasgow. Please be good to me weather!
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Just went through all of the Christmas decorations so I could start making the tree look pretty… only to discover we have everything but fairy lights… They need to go on the tree first, so we’ve now gotta go back to the old house to hunt out the lights.
Sods law…
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I want a new dress. If anybody knows of any sites that have dresses suitable for girls with big boobs, please let me know! This is meaning I can’t really have a strapless dress, since I’ll have to wear a bra no matter what… It doesn’t help I’m stupidly fussy. aaaah.
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“I spend more time missing you than kissing you.”
– Lemuria (via yelyahwilliams)
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& the countdown begins as to whether or not I get to go to Glasgow… weather conditions are fine for driving here, but I guess it just depends if the rest of the country is alright.
Cross your fingers for me. :( I need cuddles with my boyyyy.
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I had the worst nights sleep ever and its now time for work. I am too tired for this :(
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I must finish my Christmas shopping this weekend. No reason, I just want it out of the way. Just my sister, my nan, and a couple of little presents for my mum & step grandad. That’s not a lot, really! I just wish I had even the slightest idea about what to get people…
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Its freezing! The weather actually seemed to be improving today, which was brilliant, and now it’s got out all windy. :( I really don’t think it’s gunna improve, so I’m giving myself permission to be a completely miserable bitch next week. :)
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